I had started writing the story of Haven & Carter about two years ago. As you see, I haven’t gotten far on it. At first, I was in love with the characters and the story of them was the first I even started writing seriously. . .but then I realized that I only had characters and the world I had put them in didn’t leave much room for creativity. And so, a few days ago I decided that their world was over. However, last night I decided to take pity on them and made a decision to use them in a new story idea i have in mind that, I promise you, will be much more successful.  The characters of Haven and Carter will still live on even though their personality and well. . . .form  I guess you could say, will be changing by the slightest.

Let’s hope for the best,

Kathryn

Haven’s words

December 31, 2010

” I obsess over people. I just cling to anyone who’s shown a liking toward me and I like them at all back. But sometimes, it just seems that I hold onto them so tightly, that they begin to just run away me. . That’s why I don’t get close to people. Sometimes I’m even afraid that you will go. I’m afraid of the thought that someday, I’ll be all alone. I mean, I used to have Julienne  right by my side every minute of the day. . . . before, well you know.  I’m scared, Carter. I really am. ” Haven spoke softly as she began to break down.

New title

August 5, 2010

Okay i want to rename ‘Look on the dark side’ it sounds too cheesey but it was the only thing that i could think of at the time that sounded good. I was thinking that maybe ‘Life sucks, then what?’ would be a good title but i’m still not too sure about it. . . . .. so i guess this will just be another little mini project for me while i’m writing Jaxs, my latest book idea. So any suggestions are welcome for the new title.

Thanks,

Kathryn

Out In The Cold

June 24, 2010

    I was happy to be spending time with Haven today.  And I knew that i would smile frequently today just because of her. Upon reaching the door, I looked out a window to see the sky gray and gloomy. Oh well, it won’t affect me today.   I walked, almost skipped, to meet Haven outside her house.  As the wind blew it reminded me of my last day as a human. I stood still as the though crossed my mind. No, no pain today, just a numbing sensation. I shook it off as I caught a glimpse of Haven.  Today she was wearing a dark blue jeans, fuzzy black boots, a well fitted black winter coat, and her hair down and straight. Why the coat? It feels nice today. “Aren’t you cold?” she asked as I stepped across the street toward her. Cold, what cold? It feels kind of warm if not just normal. “It’s freezing out here. Come inside before your arms freeze off.” That’s odd. I mean how could she seem so cold and the earth seem so cold, but I feel none of it?

Haven’s reasoning

June 13, 2010

Why did you stop me, stop me from giving him what he deserved?” I said exasperatedly. She sighed as she scooted away from me. I should have guessed our little moment couldn’t last. She lifted her head to look me in the eye and whispered, “Would you understand if I told you I loved him?” Love him? How could she love someone who has caused her so much pain. “No, I really don’t think I could.” I said with a shake of my head. Her lips curved into a dark, grim smile as she looked back at the her bed. “I knew you wouldn’t.” she breathed. “After I learned that my whole life was just a sad little lie, I went into this fake rebellion stage.” she went on her smile became a little happier at the thought of old memories. “I became dark and silent so then my mom had a great idea that maybe I just needed my own space. A few days later, I was picking out furniture for my own house. Even though they gave me that freedom, I still was dark and it was starting to become real.” she paused as she shivered at another memory? “ I had disconnected myself from all of my old friends and I was alone, by fault. A few days later Julienne came into my life. He immediately just worshiped me. I felt bad about turning him away so, he became my only friend. He was horrible at being a best friend. When I cried he just left and when I had a problem, he tried to listen but just couldn’t think of anything to do about it. Still, he was all I had in those dark times.” she finished with a sad note. Dark times? She said as if they were past tense, but how could that be when she always seemed so sad? “So when did these dark times end?” She let out a sound of twinkling laughter and looked at me. “When you came. You made things a lot brighter.

Julienne! You’re here, I can’t believe it! I missed you so much. All of a sudden you were gone and I didn’t know what to do. I called your parents, asked around school, and even had carter go look for you. You really need to go home.

I can’t go home.

What do you mean you don’t have to go home?

How could you think that? Your parents are way to kind to you for you just to leave.

I just can’t

Please Julienne just come home. And if it’s because of your parents you could stay with me and nobody would have to know.

I can’t Haven, I just don’t think it would work.

Say something else Julienne! Stop saying you can’t because I know and you know you can. Please Julienne I’m giving you options!

Please just stop!

Stop, stop what? Stop caring if you’re homeless and die? Is that what you think? That I could care less if the only person I feel any kind of… love for leaves me to slowly die from the inside!

What, what do you mean?

Juliennes please just think this through. You’re not being logical. All I’m saying is to stay, stay here with me and think about what you’re doing to not only me but your parents.

I don’t know. . .

You don’t know, you don’t know! Know about what Julienne? If it’s me just tell me because we can fix this.

There’s nothing you can do, Haven.

Julienne! Please I’m begging you. Tell me your reason for doing this to me.

Please, Haven.

The truth is that I can’t live without you. You’re the only thing holding me together. Without you I would have no emotion except for sorrow and anger.

I’m sorry I have to go.

Please don’t go…

I have to.

Julienne if you really love me. Even the tiniest of amounts you’ll stay.

I do love you.

I really hope so…

I can’t help but remember Haven last night. When I listened to that message she seemed so sad, I hope she’s okay. And it doesn’t help that she’s not answering her phone. I’ll just have to go to see her later to ease my mind. Still, I can’t help but think Julienne is probably the cause of her sadness. He just left all of a sudden without a word of where he was going and why. I sighed as I trotted down the stairs. “You okay, you seem agitated?” asks Ethan. I nod in response and head toward the door. “Where are you going?” questions Mary while eating a granola bar. “I have to go see Haven.” I say as I close the door behind me. I can’t wait for her to reassure me on her own time. Every second I don’t know what’s wrong with her, my imagination creates another horrid possibility. I know i shouldn’t worry so much, but I can’t help it. My pace quickens from a fast walk, to a jog, to a full out sprint. I have to know that she’s okay and not another vampire’s dinner or kidnapped. I don’t bother to knock as I pull the unlocked—thank god— door open. I call out her name, but I get no answer. I check the kitchen, bathrooms, dance room, ballet studio, and finally her bedroom. She’s not anywhere. Oh no, what am I supposed to do? Call the police, FBI, NASA? Ok, I should go see if she’s at the main house first. At a less alarming pace then before, I went to her parents home. This time, as I got to her door, I knocked. I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for an answer. Opening the door, Jesse greets me. “How are you Carter?” I shake my head, “Haven, is Haven here?” I almost yell. “No, have you checked her house?” she asks concerned. I nod my head, too scared to speak. Jesse yells for Havens mom and she comes jogging down the hall. “What, what’s wrong?” she hurries out. She tells her what I’ve been so worried about and Mrs. Zanford goes white. “Oh dear god, go call the police. Wait no, we’ll just go look for her.” she nods to herself as she pulls out her phone. Jesse is off to find a search party while I just stand there in particle shock. Oh no, no, no. Poor Haven, no my poor Haven. It may not be official, but it hurts too much for her not to be mine. Then I think, where would she be? She wouldn’t have gone willingly without telling someone, she cares too much to do that, even though she would never admit it. It wouldn’t be a public place because if she was taken, she would put up a fight. That still leaves a lot of places to look. So far all I know is that she was taken because she would of told someone. Unless. Unless, she had to go help someone she cared for. . . Julienne!. She’s somewhere with Julienne, but it still feels like she would be in a hidden place. They would be in a place for just the two of them. I thought and thought, but came up with nothing. “Arnold come on!” I heard from the kitchen. “Okay, okay just let me put away the silverware.” Ware, Warehouse. She’s at the warehouse. Without thinking, I started in that direction. As I ran, my feet never seemed to touch the ground, like I was flying. I slowed slightly as neared the old dirt road leading to their shack of a hideout. On either side of the road broken bits of barbed wire fence and tall grass could be seen. The fence was rusty and broken from years of abuse and the plants and grasses were wildly overgrown from a lack of mowing and care. The old cracked and chipped building was a light grayish, brown that looked dusty. It was abandoned and looked the part. My run had stopped all together. I was afraid of her not being here. If she isn’t here, then she could be dieing in some other place. I shivered at the image of her pale, lifeless body. I crept closer to the building soundlessly. The doors were open and patches of dust were missing. I opened the doors all the way to alert anything alive in the building. The day seemed too cold, too silent. My feet made small crunching sounds against the straw and dirt floor. In mid-step I stopped to listen. I could hear a soft whimper come from the right side. It was the sound of a hurt animal, a small helpless animal in pain. The soft whimper turned into a sob and then I knew where Haven was without a doubt. “Haven!” I yelled as loud as I dared. The sound became louder and I ran toward it. Lying on a pile of yellow hay was Haven. She was curled into a fetal position and her face was purple and pale. I kneeled down to her side and brushed her hair back. “Shh. . . It’s going to be okay.” Then she yelped in pain as she tried to sit up. “Just stay there okay? I’m going to fix this.” I whispered to her on the verge of tears. Tears ran down her face and traced lines in the dirt on her precious face. She shivered as I slipped my black hoody on her. She was only wearing a thin pale blue tank top and a pair of shorts, which were torn up. “Haven, tell me who did this to you, tell me so I can make them pay.” I practically growled. She wined and turned her head. “You have to tell me Haven!” I said. “Carter,” she wined. I kissed her forehead in encouragement. “Get away from her.” yelled someone behind me. Julienne. That dirty little. . . Ugh there is no word bad enough to describe him. His brown eyes glared down at me. He shook his sandy colored hair and growled “ I said get away from her!” I looked Haven in the eyes and leaned down to her ear and whispered, “Run, run as fast as you can away from here.” I stood up and felt as my eyes darkened and my face became of a vampires, beautiful but deadly. “You did this to her, didn’t you? You hit her and beat her to what, make her love you? It’s obvious you love her, but making kneel over in pain is not going to help your case.” I said acidly. He backed up in alarm as I stepped toward him. Yes, be afraid, very afraid. I should kill him now, but that would be way too nice. I should let him rot in jail and then kill him. I seemed to only be paying attention to Julienne, but my ears were still listening to Haven as she tried her best to get up. I tapped my foot softly to get her attention as I slid my phone out of my back pocket. She was still right behind me as I tossed her my phone with silent perfection. She would know what to do, she was a smart girl. As I confronted and kept Julienne busy I listened to her soft voice urging the police to come. When I heard her click off her phone, yelled “Now, Haven, run!” I grabbed her wrist from behind and helped her up and pushed her to move faster. I let wrist go as she ran to the safe outside world. She was much slower than normal and Julienne was able to catch her around the waist. No, now he just everything worse for him. I knew as his face turned pale in shock that my eyes were black and fangs were showing. “What are you?” he studdered out. I smiled grimly and said in an equally grim voice, “The monster of your most horrible nightmares, a vampire.” His eyes were wide and so were Havens. “ I knew it, you were never human just a beast.” he whispered. I shook my head and glared at my victim. “Right now, I am no beast because you take that role. You hurt someone dear to me and now you pay.” Haven screamed and I looked sadly at her face. She whimpered in pain as he held her tighter. I moved closer as venom filled my mouth. “No,” protested Haven, “Don’t kill him. Please, Carter.” I sighed in defeat as I looked down, I was never able to defy Haven. Just as my eyes flickered up, Julienne pulled out a knife to her throat. I could hear as Haven’s heart beat faster and her breath stopped. “I’ll do it, don’t think I wont!” yelled Julienne. “If you move any closer I’ll slit her throat open.” I raised my arms up and moved a few steps back. He looked from side to side, probably thinking about making a run for it. Go ahead, I thought, go and run. I’m faster than him and I would catch him. In a movement of panic. He dropped Haven and ran. In the process, he had cut Haven on her shoulder. Now running after him seemed stupid. He was running outside and it would be hard to leave Haven. Not to worry though, because just down the road are the cops. I looked back at Haven into her green eyes. I collapsed next to her and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry that I scared you.” I whispered. I laid my head on her shoulder, right where he cut her. “Carter, are you okay?” she asked almost silently. I laughed as I said,” I just told you I’m a vampire and you’re still worried about me? What a silly girl.” She tried to push me away but it was useless. My arms were wrapped tightly around her. Just a few minutes ago I had finally felt like a true vampire but now I just want to think of Haven. Outside of the warehouse I heard the sound of the police finally comeing to do my dirty work. “You know Julienne will protest that you’re a vampire, but they’ll just think he’s crazy.” she said as she slightly relaxed. I chuckled once and said, “I have a very advanced mind, I already thought of everything.” She whispered to herself but I didn’t bother to eavesdrop on her personal conversation. I could hear as the struggle outside slowly came to an end. “Do you think you can stand?” I asked softly. She shrugged and put her little hands on my shoulders for support. She slowly eased herself up but halfway up she cringed in pain and fell back in my arms. “I guess not.” she said as her breath grew heavy with pain. I shifted her across me and pick her up. Automatically, as expected, she stiffened. “Would you rather try walking again?” She crinkled her cute little nose and relaxed in defeat. I cradled her against my chest as I took measured steps outside. I could smell her blood still, but I still wasn’t I guess you could say interested in it like I expected. When I was laying my head next to the gash on her shoulder I got used to it but it smelled stronger now. I glanced down at her feet and saw blood rolling off the balls of her feet in small streams. “Your feet, what happened?” I asked curiously. I looked at them closer and saw the sparkle of glass within the cuts on her feet. “Later, I’ll tell you later.” she said with a blank voice. The light disordered my vision as we finally took the first few steps outside. Immediately a couple of officers came to us asking if we were okay. I nodded off their questions as they lead us to a paramedic. Gently, I sat her up on the back of the ambulance as the paramedic looked over her wounds. “Your foot still has glass stuck in the skin so we’ll take care of that first.” he said in a calm professional voice. After every shard of glass he pulled out of her feet, she looked over at me. I knew what she was thinking, if he’s really a vampire why isn’t he going crazy right now? I smiled reassuringly at her and walked over to her side. I held out my hand and she gladly placed her’s in mine. After about twenty minutes he was done bandageing her and disinfecting her, which she whimpered at. In the end, she had cut up feet, a large slash on her shoulder, and a few cracked ribs. Neither of us bothered to check on Julienne’s status but luckily he was gone by the time Haven’s mom came to get us. Her mom cried and hugged Haven a lot. It made me smile seeing how much she cared. Haven just smiled back. She was still siting on the back of the ambulance, unable to walk. The medic offered to carry her to the car but I reassured him I was capable. I once again I scoped her up in my arms but didn’t hold as close to me as I would like. Her mom was here so it was kind of weird to be so close to her when as far as she knew we just mutual friends. I placed Haven laid out in the backseat and sat up front with her mom. After a minute or so I began to understand how Haven thought she was her real mom. She had the right shade of hair and had almost the same face shape. Her mom smiled a lot, even after what just happened, maybe she was just pleased to have her daughter safe and not hurt, well hurt worse. Haven groaned at every bump we hit on the way home. I looked back at her constantly to smile at her and she smiled back. Today has been an exciting day I guess. I hope, for her sake, the last of this year isn’t at all exciting. I can still see that look in her eyes that looks like a melt down on the verge of breaking out. I surprised when we finally reached Haven’s house, I thought her mom would of taken her back to the main house. When it came time to take Haven inside I tried my hardest not to cause her any more pain. Her mom said her goodbyes in order to go alert Haven’s dad who was unable to come here because of work. “So where do you want me to put you down at?” I asked as the door swung behind us. Through gritted teeth she said, “My bed.” As gentle as possible I laid her down. She sighed in relief as she was finally still. There was an awkward silence between us as her dim room became darker. Neither of us moved, because we felt no need to. “What happened? What did he do to you?” I asked with earnest worry and curiosity. She turned her head away from me and began, “I thought he was in trouble, but I didn’t really want to get anyone else involved so I went to him.” I swallowed hard and continued on. “When I first got there I called out his name but there was no answer. So I moved toward the back where we always went, thinking that maybe he just fell asleep. He wasn’t though,” her voice lowered to a sad whisper, “he was waiting for me. I’m not sure what happened next, I think he hit me with something.” she said rubbing her head unconsciously. “I got up and tried to ask him what happened, but he just pushed me right back down. I was shocked, I always thought of Julienne as non-violent. Then I yelled at me him,” she broke on the last word. “ he started to kick me in my ribs and I told him to stop but he just hurt me more.” Tears streamed down her face and her face looked like she was there again, sitting under him. I put my hand on her hair and shushes her calmly. How naïve of her, she never noticed how hurt he was by her. He loved her and she never noticed, wow. Just wow. I knew he was going to crack and I knew that I may be the reason why, hell I expected him to break around me. She quickly composed herself and turned back toward me. “I’m sorry.” she mumered.

As I arrived at my new school, I was astonished at its greatness. Iron gates, complex designed buildings, and every thing you would expect from a top rated orange county school.

I could feel it already, the breath of fresh air that comes with change that could be good. It was such a pleasant feeling.

“Well it seems that you have time to spare,” said Ethan. I just nodded my head and opened the door, another door toward finding the new me.

I slung my bag on my shoulder and sighed as Ethan drove off. I turned toward the school and walked gradually toward the outside tables. Everyone instantly became aware of my presence.

In the middle of the assortment of tables sat a girl who looked to be the ‘Queen Bee’. She examined me as I stood there and her face turned to something like pleasure. She got up and started toward my direction.

“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to start my day.” I mumbled. I looked in every direction, trying to find an escape route. I seemed to have no choice but to face this girl until I saw her. It was the black haired girl from yesterday, Haven.

She was secluded from the rest of the people except for a boy that she was having a conversation with.

“Haven!” I yelled and waved in her direction. She turned toward me for only a split second before she turned back toward the boy. Does she not recognize me? It was only yesterday that I met her.

“Haven, it’s me Carter!” This time she looked at me but her face was saying something like, why is this crazy person calling my name. I jogged toward her hoping that she would recognize me.

“Hey.”

“What do you want?” she said as she glared at me. Wow, she looks pretty when she’s angry.

“You don’t seem happy to seem me,” I said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes at me and turned toward the boy “Julienne, come on, I’m leaving.” Julienne quickly followed her kind of like a dog.

Yes, she does not seem happy at all to see me.

“Don’t bother chasing after her, she’s just a little wanna-be who has really bad taste in men and clothing.” The popular girl was talking to me. She doesn’t seem too good at first impressions.

“You know, you’re really petty.” Whoa, what did I just say? I would never say something like that.

“You mean pretty? Well I already knew that. “She gloated as she flipped her hair back.

“No, I mean petty.”

I have no time for this I have to go find Haven. That first impression I just had with that girl didn‘t matter, all that mattered was that I fixed the one I had with Haven. Nevertheless, that’s going to have to wait if I want to get to my first class on time. I scrambled to find my schedule in my mess of a bag. First period, room 152 with Mr. Hollow for social studies.

Surprisingly it took me no time at all to find the room; I was even a few minutes early.

“So you must be Carter, let me be the first to welcome you to St. Davids.” I smiled shyly and shook his hand as I took a seat. One by one, two by two people filled the room. I found myself looking at each one trying to find Haven. I still don’t understand what exactly happened yesterday. It started with hey and ended with me asking for forgiveness. I wonder if she’s thinking about me. . . Snap back into it Carter, you’re on a mission! Oh, god I sound like a cheesy teen romance movie. Wait then does that mean I like her? I shook my head and looked back toward the door to watch my arriving classmates. Every face disappointed me because none of them was of the girl I wanted to see or even that Julienne boy. I laid my head on my desk and prayed for class to start. “Hello Miss Haven did you enjoy the books I recommended this summer?” Mr. Hollow, he’s talking to her! “Yes very much, I especially enjoyed the one James Paterson book.” she answered. She’s smiling! I watched her as she walked down the aisle and took a seat a few seats away from me. She’s still smiling, well with her eyes. I guess she hasn’t notices me yet, heh heh. As the tardy bell rang and Mr. Hollow welcomed us back form summer break, I couldn’t help but to look back at Haven. I wanted her to notice me but I didn’t want that at the same time because I knew when she saw me her smile would disappear. Moreover, that’s how the rest of the day happened. She just happened to be in each and every one of my classes. In addition, in every one of them, all I would do is stare at her from afar. She never noticed me that whole day except for when I was waiting in front of the school for Ethan to pick me up. I saw her, staring at me for a change. Her eyes didn’t look angry just curious. Days passed like this without much change except that her curious eyes followed me more often each day. In addition, my feelings toward Julienne changed a little each day in a negative way. I almost hated him for how close he was to Haven. I saw him every day looking at her with caring, mindless eyes. I also despised him because almost everyday he was at her house, inside her house all alone with her! And if that’s not a reason to want to rip someone throat out I don’t know what is. Ok…. So maybe I’m over exaggerating but there something that draws me to her that well is completely unreasonable. It’s also completely unreasonable that I could feel that about some girl who seems to. . . Hate, no, but something close to that. Each day seems to drag on as I wait for her to speak to me. But she makes it seem like it was just a dream or illusion that she ever had a conversation with me. It’s all right though, because I have faith in something that she will talk to me again.

I yawned and stretched my stiff arms as I crawled out of my soft bed. Friday, the first Friday of the school year. That also means that Monday is Labor Day so we get a three-day weekend. I’ve only been in school barely for a week but I’m already ready for a break. As happy weekend thoughts washed over me my alarm clock didn’t seem to agree. I got up, threw on a pair of black jeans and a band shirt and fixed my hair. As usual, Mary was sitting in the armchair with a cup of coffee in hand. “Someone looks happy. You usually look like a zombie.” She commented as I walked into the kitchen. I drank my usual cup of Coke and blood (separately) and headed toward the door with my bag on my shoulder. “Where are going so early? School doesn’t start for another hour or so.” “Oh, I’ve decided to walk to school today, its nice outside for the morning.” I replied, I wasn’t completely lying, it is nice outside. “Well, have fun and do you still want to pick you up after school?” she asked, “Nah, I’m alright.” She waved me off and I headed out the door. The real reason that I’m walking to school is to think and to make sense of everything that’s happened to me this past week. Everything’s happened so fast and I know I can think anywhere but I need the fresh air to help me focus. There’s too many things I need to think about, I need to think one at a time. As I walked down my almost empty street and looked at the only other house (well, mansion) I knew what to start with. There it was the guesthouse that she seemed to live in next to the main house. As it came into view, I saw her on the front porch of her home. She stretched her neck as she threw away a bag of trash into a dumpster. I held my breath as I waited for her glaring eyes to meet mine but they didn’t as she turned back toward her house. I sighed in relief as I looked at what she was wearing. Wow, the girl who seems to scare everyone is wearing blue care bear pajamas. Then again, she does have a certain childish aroma to her because of her height. As she stepped back into her house, I let a chuckle escape my lips. That’s why I care about her. She seems like she should be so fragile and sensitive but she’s not, almost the exact opposite. It appeals to me because I know somewhere there’s a weak little girl that she’s hiding. Such a different girl she is without a doubt. Before I knew it, I was in the front parking lot. There were very few cars parked in the student spaces and not just because it was middle and high school. I walked up to the table closest to where Haven was standing on that first day of school. I jumped up and sat on the stone table and pulled out the first thing that would keep me busy. I ended up pulling out my algebra homework from last night. I have the intelligence of a vampire (because I am a vampire) so of course I got them all right but it couldn’t hurt to check back over them. Time seemed to drag by but I could here the buzz of the gathering of many students. I was just about to dig in my bag for some other entertainment but I stopped in my tracks as I heard the yell from the queen of the shallow. Her name was Shaneil; I learned it a few days ago. “Excuse me little miss emo what did you just say?” she sneered at Haven. “I said if I ever hear you say another word about Julienne I’m going to make you regret it!” Even though Haven was shorter than Shaneil, she seemed to tower over her with her presence. “Oh so what are you going to do, dye my hair black and turn me into a little emo witch just like you?” I have to stop Have before she does anything stupid but what? Uh, oh. I sprinted toward Haven as I saw the gleam in her eyes. “I’m. . . Going . . . To kick . . . Your . . “As she leaped toward Shaneil I grabbed her by her small wrist and led her away from her victim. “ Let me go!” she screamed as she thrashed and kicked in my arms. I dragged her into the shade of a tree and pressed her against it. “Haven stop. You don’t want to hurt her.” I said in a calm voice. “How the hell do you know what I want?” she growled. “I know you’re not stupid and you’re not that reckless.” I’ve found it, the weak little girl. Her eyes glimmered and her breath fastened. She jerked her arms from mine and walked toward the school. “No Julienne today?” “No, he caught a bug last night.” she whispered. I half expected her to tell me to back off but she just kept walking. Her steps seemed to be measured and shaky. She looked up from her feet and she tripped on a large root. I reached and caught her around the waist lightly and set up right. She cringed away from the small touch and closed her eyes tight. “Thanks.” she whispered and continued walking toward the school. We reached the steps of the front doors just as the bell rang. Class after class her face continued to look blank and her eyes read shocked around the edges. And every once in a while her eyes would sparkle and shine with wetness but that’s the farthest it got, in her eyes. As the dismissal bell rang, I could tell that she had met her reaching point. The thought of comforting her crossed my mind but that would probably just irritate her. I was surprised; I seemed to be the only one to notice. Maybe it’s because I’m the only who pays that much attention to her. As I walked down the front steps toward where I normally wait for my ride, I remembered my request to walk home. I turned and headed the way I came this morning. This would be a good time to think but my head was too cluttered right now that I couldn’t. My head was silent as was the path I was taking home. ”Can I walk with you?” I turned around and saw Haven. I nodded my head and slowed to match her pace. “This is a surprise.” I commented, as the sidewalk grew longer before my eyes. “What do you mean?” she asked curiously. “Oh, I just had a feeling that you well, disliked me with a passion.” She looked up at my face and shook her head “No, I hate you.” Her voice restless. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I thought about her possible motives. “It’s not the same kind of hate I feel for Shaneil though, it’s different but I’m too sure how to explain it though.” I smiled slightly “I understand and its ok.” she returned my smile and sighed as she looked back down at her feet. “It’s not okay. I’ve acted worse than I normally do if you can believe that.” she said with a small humorless laugh. Once again, the little girl peeped out her head. “I’m welcome to explanations if you’ll tell me.” She hesitated for a moment before she spoke. “Tomorrow noon at my house.” Is she kidding? I mean I thought this girl wanted me dead and now she’s inviting me to her house. I was shocked but also pleased that her anger toward me was fading. I was happy there are no other words to explain the feeling. “Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” she said quietly with a small smile. “Oh, ok well ill be there, well here.” She giggled and turned toward her house without another word. I stood there until I knew for sure she was safely inside. Today was the best day of my life next to the day I met her. As I walked to my home, I could feel the goofy smile on my lips. Right when I entered the house, I noticed it was abnormally quiet. Ethan and Mary probably went out. They deserve it. I walked into the kitchen and found a note proving my hypothesis. I grabbed a cup of blood and headed for my room. As I neared my door, I could hear the hum of music. That’s strange I didn’t even turn on my radio this morning and I know neither Ethan nor Mary went into my room. I pushed the door open ever so slowly as I peeked inside. No one, not a single soul in the room. “Where you expecting someone in there?” “Julia, you scared me. No of course not.” I said as calmly as I could manage now. She shrugged and made her way into my room. My room was a lot cleaner than I left it. “Julia did you clean my room?” And how long have you been in here, I wanted to ask but that would be rude. She smiled as wide as a Cheshire cat and nodded her head as she plopped down on my bed. Her golden hair sparkled in the sunlight coming from the open window and her eyes seemed a little too happy to see me. Julia was one of those people who did nice things when they wanted something. “Is there something you want, Julia?” The actress she was put on a face of shock and gasped in horror. “Can I not just visit you?” she wined. I sighed, “Julia you know neither of us are stupid.” She huffed and looked down at her feet. “So what’s up with you and the Goth across the street?” Goth! She has a name. “Her name is Haven.” I practically growled. She clicked her tongue in disapproval and said “Defensive much?” She seems suspicious but of what? I don’t have any thing to hide. “Carter,” she began “do you like her?” Do I like her? No. . . . maybe . . . I don’t know. “Oh my goodness! You do!” she accused “What I didn’t even say any thing!” “Oh but your face spoke for you Mr. poker-face.” she laughed. I rolled my eyes and turned away from her stare. “Is that all, because I’m tired?” “Wow that’s a really lame excuse for a vampire since we like sleep three hours a night.” she said with an annoying tone. “Just leave already!” I yelled. “Awww, Did I touch a soft spot? Well have fun with your little emo.” She almost sang as she left my room. God she sounds just like Shaneil. I hope one day of my immortal life Julia realizes that we truly don’t have a chance in hell because from the start I knew I couldn’t love her. How sad, even without there being someone else to stop me from thinking about her that way I couldn’t. She’s beautiful I’ll admit that, but inside she seems so hideous. I wish time would pass faster so I could be with Haven. I yawned as I pulled my crimson red comforter over me and closed my eyes for sleep. Behind my eyelids images of Haven and me danced and swirled to an unknown song. Behind us were the moon and the stars that twinkled and played off her midnight hair. My arms were around her waist and her arms were around my neck. We were looking deeply into each others eyes. Her soft pink lips were in a small smile that infected me. Her flowing red dress swirled as well as her hair as I spun her closer. As the song came to an end I found myself gravitating closer to her. Her lovely lightly tanned skin drew me closer me as I inched even closer. I could feel the warmth wavering under her skin. My lips brushed against her collar bone and moved up the side of her neck. Under her skin, her veins pulsed against my lips. My throat burned for something so unfamiliar. My whole body burned for it. My teeth grazed her neck and with out hesitation my fangs sank into her soft thin skin. I clutched her body to mine as I slowly drank the life out of her. As I lifted my face from my neck I could see her ghostly white skin. The heat that once came from her was replaced with a sickly cold essence. The burning was gone but it uncovered a pain from what I just did. My lips were covered with her blood and her life. “No. . . No this can’t be real.” I whispered. Poor little Haven all white and empty-faced. “No!” I screamed. I kissed the bite marks I left on her and begged for her to wake up. But I knew she wasn’t sleeping, she was dead. There was no way to help her. And to think she went without a fight. I leaned into her and sobbed. I’m a monster; I knew it from the start. I live to kill and kill to live. I have no boundaries and I do it without hesitation. It’s all for the kill, the blood and the sensation that came with it. Her warmth was now inside me, swimming in my veins. As her stone cold body leaned against mine she seemed even smaller. I eased her onto the ground and held her head on my lap. I don’t want this, this life. I want to be human and not a beast of the night. I looked into the sky and saw my reflection on the moon. My eyes were red and deadly like a true monster. And in them I could see the demon inside me that was destined for hell now. I’ve never been a big believer in god but now all want is his forgiveness and for him to take my life and put it in Havens empty body. I looked deeply at Haven again and wished with all of my black heart that I never cursed her with the reality of a vampire being in love for her. Here’s your answer Julia. Yes, I love her but I lust for her blood even more. I laid her head gently on the soft grass and walked away without looking back.

Reality hit me hard when I woke up. My face was streaked with tears and my sheets were in a tangled mess. I wiped my lips with my thumb but found no traces of blood. I glanced at my alarm clock and realized how early it was but how long I slept. It was a dream, a sick, sick dream. Images of her dead pale body flashed in my mind and made me cringe in fear. I shook my head and headed down stairs without bothering to change or clean up. It was empty downstairs but I could feel Ethan and Mary’s presence so they must still be asleep. Five more hours, Carter you can do it. Soon enough I’ll be able to see her. I hope she remembers. . . Of course she’ll remember I mean she was the one who invited me over. I drank my usual and chugged down a bowl of cereal. Now my only problem was what to do before noon. No homework, no books, nothing to do. I went back upstairs and found Mary and Ethan’s door cracked open. “Carter is you up?” called Mary. “Nope, sleep walking.” I said playfully. Mary was more of a big sister rather than a mother and Ethan was like a good friend. Wrapped in each other arms the couple walked out of their room. “Have any plans today?” asked Ethan who was twirling Mary’s hair in an adoring way. Should I tell them? It’s not that it’s bad that makes me hesitate but what if they don’t approve? Well I might as since I do have to live with them. “I’m going to go hang with Haven.” Both of their faces were shocked. “You know, from across the street?” Ethan nodded his head and his eyes seemed to fall. I looked at Mary and could have sworn I saw a tear in her eye. They both seemed so sad but why? “Are you two all right? “ “Yeah just promise us that you’ll be good to her.” he said. It was an order that I intended to follow even before he said anything. “Of course. . . “They seem so protective of her. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” Mary glanced at Ethan and he clenched his teeth. They are hiding something but what? “Is it about her, Haven?” I asked anxiously. I don’t like people hiding things from me never have. The wetness was visible once again in Mary’s eyes. “Please just tell him! I don’t like hiding things from him and I know you don’t either.” begged Mary. Ethan swallowed hard and looked down mournfully. “I don’t know if we should.” he said looking at Mary. She mouthed please and took his hand. Why won’t they just tell me? It can’t be that bad could it? “Ok, fine.” We made our way toward the living room and all took a seat. I couldn’t stop fidgeting as I waited for someone to speak. Oh no it’s going to be bad. Why else would they make me sit down? “Carter we’re her parents.” Ethan whispered. “What?” I . . . was astonished. Her . . . Parents? That can’t be possible. I’ve seen them, her parents they look like her, well she looks like them. “Stop lying, just stop it!” I yelled. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Mary cried. She wrapped her arms around me and gently rubbed my head. It’s true but how? No, I don’t need any more details, not today. I moped into the kitchen and looked at the clock. Ten o’clock. Just enough time to take a shower and get ready and get a hold of myself. I cleaned up and dressed mindlessly, I hope I match. I looked down, good simple but nice. I was wearing a black dress shirt, a pair of black jeans, and dark olive green Doc Martians. It was nerve racking to think that in a few minutes I would be in her house with her knowing a secret that she didn’t know. Would I tell her on accident? No, I couldn’t because who knows what that would do to a person. I breathed in heavily and started toward the front door. “Wait. . . I’m sorry I wanted to tell you as soon as you met her but I don’t know why I didn’t.” she said with honesty in her voice. I nodded my head and walked out the door. Every step I took took me closer to her and made me feel guiltier. Ethan picked a really bad time to tell me that. It’s like telling someone that their dieing the day their child is born. A new part of your life seems to begin but a big brick wall gets in your way. I was at her door hesitating. What if she changed her mind, even worse, what if Julienne is here? Just calm down Carter you’re over reacting, I told myself. I swallowed back my worries and knocked on the door. The minute I waited seemed like eternity. Finally the door opened. Haven peeped her head out the door and when she saw it was me she smiled and opened the door all the way. “Oh you’re early!” she said a bit surprised. I looked at my watch and read twelve fifteen. “I’m not early I’m late” I laughed. Her cheeks turned red and she looked down. I looked at her and chuckled as I saw her tutu. “What’s so funny?” she said irritated. She looked at what I staring at and gasped as she turned a brighter red. She was wearing a light purple shirt with a cute yellow duck and a matching purple tutu with yellow polka dots and yellow ribbon at the top with the bow tied to the side. And on her feet was a pair of black leather ballet shoes with white stockings. “Aren’t you a cute little ballerina?” I giggled. “I lost track of time. . . I was. . . Uh . . . yeah.” she said in a strange voice that sounded like she was still embarrassed. “Well I guess you can come in.” she said as she led me inside. She guided me toward her living room which was painted a deep red and the molding was a chocolate brown. I went over toward a Victorian style couch which was a shade brighter than the wall with a black frame and details. All the over pieces of furniture seemed to be centered on that one piece. There was a black glass table and two over-stuffed crimson chairs that were placed in a way that directed the eye toward the couch and dark bricked fireplace that was clicking and clacking away. I took a seat on the couch as she closed the door. “Well, I’ll be right back after I change into something less . . . Weird.” she said as she headed down a hallway painted the same as the living room. A little ways from the room and across what seemed to be a parlor was the kitchen and then a dinning room. Her home was open-planed and very tasteful. Every room was decorated in a certain ancient time period way that made everything flow. Roman, Victorian, Chinese, and the all mighty Egyptian. A few minutes later, Haven can gliding down the hallway in a pair of black skinny jeans and a pink Hello Kitty t-shirt. “How come people seemed so scared of you but you’re just like a little girl with a lot of attitude?” I asked simply out of curiosity. She hung her stripped toe-socked feet over the arm one of the armchairs and rolled her eyes at me. “I like cute things and. . . Well. . . Black, it’s a scary combined when mixed with hatred.” she said dryly. Hatred? I know that she wasn’t practically fond of most people but hate? No, that doesn’t seem right. “I don’t think you’re that full of hate.” I said matter-of-factly. She shrugged and hopped off the chair. “Do you want something to drink?” she called over her shoulder as she headed toward the kitchen. “Sure, I guess.” she came back with two Pepsis and through one in my direction. Without much effort I caught it and opened it. She then placed two faded gold ancient looking costars on the table. How strange. . . I thought of most people of our age and that was defiantly something we don’t do. “What? I like this table.” she said defensively. I laughed and she smiled back at me. “You don’t seem to hate me anymore.” I said a little questioningly. She yawned and looked off into the distance like she was bored. “No need to. Besides it was just for some stupid reasons.” Stupid, now that’s funny. She was a serious reasonable person and ‘stupid reasons’ doesn’t exactly fit her. “Would you like to grace me with telling me these reasons?” I said in a mischievous voice. She looked down and shook her head. “And why not? Wasn’t that the whole reason for me coming here?” I asked. She fiddled with her Pepsi can and continued to look away from me. “I know you. . .” before I could finish she set down her Pepsi and started toward the hallway. “Just stop it, stop It.” she whispered. “Stop acting like you all of a sudden knows me better than I know myself! It’s really annoying and frankly it’s confusing because you barely even know me. . .” I think I broke her. I set my drink down and slowly crept toward her. “I’m sorry, I guess I just want you to see yourself as I see you.” I took a detour to the door as she grabbed my arm. “You shouldn’t have such high expectations for me.” she shook as she said that. She let her hand fall and turned away. I could feel it, I had hurt her. “I’m so sorry. . . “I whispered but I don’t think she heard me. I couldn’t help but turn around to watch as she walked away from me. Shockingly she was staring right at me. Her eyes glistened and she shook even more. I started to open my mouth to say something but she held up her hand. “I know, I know. You’re sorry and you don’t have to be.” Before my eyes she crumbled to the floor. She held her hands over her eyes as she sobbed. “You’re right; I’m just a little girl. I’m weak and fragile and . . .” but she couldn’t finish through her tears. I knelt beside her but didn’t touch her. “You don’t like to be touched.” at first I didn’t realize I was saying it out loud. She sniffled and looked up at me “It’s that obvious?” “Remember when I stopped you from falling over that tree root.” I reminded her. She said oh and her eyes still streamed with tears. I wanted to wipe them away but I don’t think she would like that. She got up and once again headed toward that hallway. Just as I was ready to turn around and leave she told me to stay and I obeyed. I sat on the floor and waited for her to come back. When she did come she had a big purple comforter draped on her shoulders. She lay down on the couch and looked at the floor. “Do you want me to leave?” I asked. “Strangely, no. By now I would have yelled at Julienne to leave.” she said without much enthusiasm. That made me happy to know that I was now sharing a part of her life that he didn’t. “Say something stupid.” she demanded as she rolled over to face to the back of the couch. “Demanding aren’t we?” I said sarcastically. She laughed a little laugh and turned to face me. “You’re pretty strange, Mr. Vampire.” she said nonchalantly. Vampire, she just called me a vampire. “Vampire?” I questioned. “I mean you look like one with your pale skin and . . . good looks. And you do have pretty good reflexes.” I could feel myself turn paler. “Did I scare you? Come here, you look sick.” she said genuinely concerned. “I better get going.” I said quickly. “Oh, okay well will you come back tomorrow?” she looked sad and that broke my heart. “Yeah I’ll come back.” As I walked out the door I couldn’t help but feel a little confused as I called all the emotions that passed by. When we’re around each other it always drifts from emotion to emotion, never really giving you a chance to think. And, well, I like it. I started toward my house and stopped as I heard a blood curdling scream. I sprinted to her house and pushed the door open. She was standing on the glass table screaming and pointed at a bug. “Oh my god that bug is huge!” she yelled. SHe scared of a tiny bug, another ironic thing about her. “It’s ok here just stay right there and ill be right back.” I said through laughs. She nodded her head and backed as far as she could get away from the bug. Jogged into her kitchen and got a paper towel. “What are you doing? Kill it!” she said as I picked up the bug with the paper towel. I then took it and through it into the soft grass. When I walked back inside she was still standing on the table. “It’s ok I got rid of it.” I said as I offered her my hand. She took with little hesitation and I helped her down. “I hate bugs, there icky and disease ridden.” she wined. I shook my head and laughed as I listened to her. “Hey don’t laugh at me!” she growled. “Sorry but that was pretty funny.” I said with a smile. “No it wasn’t the bug could have eaten me and you know what I hope it eats you now!” I laughed once again and looked at her. Her dark black hair was tied back into a bun and it shinned with great beauty. We stood there in silence and just looked at each other. Then, in front of me came a grumbling sound. Haven put her hands on her stomach and wined. “I hungry.” She sighed and walked to the kitchen. “Well since you’re here, do want to have lunch with me?” she said looking back at me. I nodded my head and followed her to the kitchen. She went from cabinet to cabinet, pantry to fridge, gathering things. I walked over toward the dining room, stopping as I saw a bar. I hopped up on a stool and watched with interest as she worked on lunch. She never took me as the type to cook, or to wear a tutu. It seems like every minute she surprises me something new about her. She placed a small pot on the stove and started to slow. “So miss easy-bake what’s for lunch?” She strolled over to the counters near the bar and jumped up to sit on it. “What’s with the cheesy pet names?” she asked, laying her head lazily on her hand. “I guess it’s a little side effect from all the things I’m learning about you.” I said honestly. She looked up in thought and nodded, “I guess that’s reasonable enough.” In harmony, we laughed and looked at the floor as the room fell silent. It felt like we were old friends catching up with the new things in our life. As the stove hissed she left me. She seemed so happy and I liked that even though I knew she was hiding behind an awkward feeling. I let the though pass as she pulled out plates and silverware. On each plate she places two dollops of rice and arranged slices of chicken on top. “I hope you like chicken and rice.” she said I little worried. It smelled really good and I was sure I would taste good too. She handed me the plates and as she got drinks for the two of us. We both got situated at the bar and began eating in silence. It was really and truly good. Its not that I didn’t expect it to be good but the flavor of it went passed what I had expected. So she was a good cook, just one of her many talents. “You eat like a cat, its kind of weird.” she commented as I put our plates in the sink. I shrugged and followed her back into the living room. I looked down at my watch and was surprised. Lunch seemed to quickly turn into dinner. “I better head home its pretty late.” For like the third time tonight we said our good-byes and I was out the door. This has been one of the most entertaining and confusing days I’ve had since my human life ended. And being a vampire really wasn’t that hard, it did help to not crave for human blood. All I had to do was act normal and learn to control my strength. The only thing that bothered me about being the creature I am is not knowing if one day I might turn into that beast from that dream. It scared me even more to think that the events in the dream would come true. The beginning I wouldn’t mind, but her cold dead face still haunts me. I didn’t bother to announce my presence as I came home. I didn’t want to talk to them or listen to them. It was bad enough that I had to carry the worry of her hating me and her burden of my biggest secret but they put the universe on my shoulders. They shouldn’t have told me, simple as that. I heaved a sigh and dragged myself to my room. Today had been a long day and I was ready to sleep. I stripped down to my boxers and plopped down on the bed. It wasn’t too long before I fell asleep. I had the same dream but this time her death seemed to hit me harder. This time I was more focused on her neck that was splattered with blood that was coming from two small wounds that I had created. Every time i see the image of her neck I just want to crawl out of my skin and pray to be once again human. Denial for what I am. . . I was wrong I’m not comfortable being a vampire. The fear of hurting Haven seems to be now controlling my life. I shook my head and continued into another day of nothing but self pity and the hope of seeing Haven. Breakfast was super awkward with Mary and Ethan there. I tried to make an escape but Ethan ordered me to stay. I knew what was to come, they would say that they’re sorry and that they regret telling me anything and blah blah blah. I don’t want to listen to that even if its for my “own good”. But they didn’t try to talk to me, maybe they learned how stubborn I was. There was nothing to look forward to today, not even school tomorrow. These are the times that I wish Julia wasn’t so crazy and demanding. Well, since I rather not spend my day under the watching eyes of my guardians, a walk around the town seems like my only option. Without a word to Mary or Ethan I was out the door. As I walked down the very street that makes my heart race and freeze, I tried my best to avoid looking at her house. I was there just yesterday but I’m still scared that she’s changed her mind on being friendly to me. The only girl I’ve ever looked twice at still seems to slipping away from my hold. Truthfully I don’t even know what kind of relationship we have. I hope that we are friends but at the moment I don’t think I should ask her quite yet, maybe I should just wait for her to say something about it. Just god forbid that she gets any closer to that Julienne thing. He’s my opponent for Haven and my sanity. It’s not shes a prize, its more that, well lets just I’m greedy. And for my sanity, I mean that I might go crazy enough to rip his throat out or maybe just his face. Who ever said love was a sane thing was insane themselves. I yawned and cracked my neck as I continued down the street. Every time I have that dream it feels like I haven’t slept at all, just laid there looking into a possibility of the future if I don’t get in control of myself. Okay, bad thought. Death doesn’t make the nawing pain in my stomache go away. I should eat more, human food wise. Lately I try my hardest to stay away from the kitchen or any place but my room when I’m home. I really, really don’t want to have a “talk” with my “parents”. And in the whole grand scheme of things, It seems that life doesn’t like vampires or anyone who has cheated death. It feels like its been hours, but I’m still on the same street and of course, in front of Haven’s house. I wonder, since I’ve trying my hardest to block out any details about her, including yesterday, did she invite me over today? I think hard about it but all details of our conversations just slip away. Maybe I should just go any way, I mean it couldn’t hurt or could it? It could hurt me if she told me to go away and it would hurt Julienne if I found him once again in her house and I would be the cause of his pain. What to do, what to do. “Hey, are you just going to stand there or come over here?” calls Haven from the front of her house. I sigh happily as I let my mid rest as finally an answer comes my way. She’s smiling, that’s a good sign. Once again I yawn and she suppresses a giggle. “What’s so funny?” I ask sleepily. She raises on her tiptoes and brushes my hair down. “You look like you just fell out of bed, well except for your clothes. And you look like you haven’t slept for days.” her smile turned to concern. “I’m all right, I just haven’t been able to adjust to the new house.” I said hoping that she would believe my half lie. The other half of it was the nightmares of her and me, no further explanation needed. My lie seemed to have no effect on her. She seemed to disregard it and shook her head. “So earlier it seemed like you were going somewhere.” she said with a hint of curiosity. Where was I going? Oh right, into town. “Into town to go look around, nothing really that planned out.” I said matter-of-factly. She put her hands behind her back and twiddled her thumbs. “So if you still want to go I can come with you. You’ll just have to let me change first.” she said with a glimmer of hope. Without hesitation I smiled and gestured toward the hallway. She smiled back and went to her room. I leaned against the crimson red walls and waited. A few minutes later she trotted out of the hall with a pair of skinny jeans with a black lacey design and a black baggy-styled sweater over a white shirt. Today her black hair was curly and messy in a nice way. “You look nice.” I said softly. She smiled and tried to fix my hair with her fingers with little success. “Can I fix your hair? Its really bothering me.” “Sure go ahead.” I said with a little fear of what was going to happen. She grabbed my by my clothed wrist and lead me to her room. “Stay here, I’ll go get what I need.” Aww. . I wanted to see her room. She came back with some styling products and a comb. A few doors down the hall was a powder room. She sat me down in front of the mirror and went to work. Her hands worked swiftly as she brushed this and sprayed that. In the end, I had a nice head of hair. “That was weird, but nice.” It really nice to be that close to her and feeling her fingers brushing against my neck and hair. “You can thank me by taking me to go get a cookie or something sweet.” she said with a brilliant smile. I laughed and brushed down my shirt. “Well I cant drive and I’m not sure you can either so, is it okay if we walk?” I said shyly. “Sure, it’s a nice day out.” The outside air was warm on my pale skin and the wind played with her curly raven colored hair. I was instantly reminded of the time we walked together the day she first invited me over. I still cant help but wonder if she still feels a slight hatred toward me. “So where are you going to treat me to?” she asked with a winning smile. I’m not at all fimilar with this town, but she probably is. “Where ever you find suitable, my queen.” I said with a bow. She rolled her eyes and lead me to a little hole-in-the-wall of a café.We went in, ordered some coffee and chocolate cookies. It was nice and I was glad it was just me and Haven.

The beginning

May 31, 2010

The wind blew and swirled my neat shaggy dark brown hair as I waited for her to

come. She left a note on my seventh period desk to meet her here. There wasn’t much to look at as I rocked back and fourth on the heels of my black dress shoes. I started to wonder why she would want to meet here, near the woods. Stacy always seems more like the down with trees up with malls type.

I growled under my breath getting frustrated with her for being so late. I really shouldn’t mind since if not for her I would be at the library pretending to go over homework I have weeks done before it‘s actually due.

Maybe the colds just getting to me, I guess I should have worn a heavier jacket because this black v-neck sweater and olive green polo is not helping me against this harsh wind and cold. In addition, my black scarf is not doing much either. I tried turning my back against the wind to stop it from blowing my bangs out of place over my eye.

However, it seemed as if the wind was following my every move. I tapped my foot as I became more impatient.

I looked down and turned around trying to find my book bag. I guess I have been walking. I found it a yard away from where I was standing. I crouched down and moved the shoulder strap away from the opening flap of my bag. Before I flipped it open, I could not help but trace the design on it with my ring finger. The silver skull and ivy colored vines memorized me. The design was somewhat simple but still held quite some charm. To any other person it just looked like a skull forgotten in time but to me it had more meaning. I had no clue to what the meaning was but as I looked at it everyday it was as if it was proclaiming a challenge to me. So of course, as like any other noble man I had to accept. I stared into the empty dark eyes of the skull as it began to hypnotize me.

As I became deep in thought, it startled me as I leaf brushed against my bare hands. I shook my head back and fourth bringing myself back to reality. I tossed the flap over and unzipped the main pocket. I dug around my binder and few books I had inside until a touched something soft like wool.

I tugged it out trying not to drag everything out along with it. As it became untangled from the mess of my backpack, I found the exact thing I was looking for, my knit hat. I am not too sure, what to call it but it is like a black wool cap but with a brim. I slipped it over my head and sighed as it made the weather more bearable.

The wind began to pick up as I continued to wait for Stacy. I was getting kind of tired of standing so I backed up until I ran into a something. I reached my hand back to feel the texture of the thing I ran into. It was rough and scraped my hand, a tree. I slide down against it and pulled one of my legs up.

My stomach started to grumble and I became light headed. “I should have eaten lunch.” I told myself aloud. I laid my head on leg to ease my headache, hoping it would go away.

My pocket started to vibrate. I forgot I even had my phone with me. I pulled it out of my pocket and slid my thumb against the touch screen. I got a text message from Stacy.

Sry I’m late ill be ther in like 5 min. see ya soon.” she wrote. I really wish Dakota had not given her my phone number.

Most of the time I try to find the good in people and forget about their imperfections but I cannot do that with Stacy. Sometime I just wish she would just go fall in a hole. However, this thought only crosses my mind rarely. She is just not really worth my attention.

Ugh, this is not helping my head. I turned to my preferred resort. I pulled my Ipod out of my large pockets, stuck the buds in my ears, and turned my music as loud as it would go to drown out my thoughts.

I barley heard my name as I looked up to see her looking at me. I pulled my buds out and turned my Ipod off.

Carter! I’m so sorry please I hope you’re not mad.” she begged. She pulled her arms close and made a puppy dog face that I guess was supposed to attractive.

I lifted my lips up into a smile and pulled my self off the ground. “Of course not, I’m sure you tired your best to get here soon.” I said gently.

She bounced on her heels in excitement. I really wish she would just ask me already. My patience is growing quite thin as she hesitates to ask me the question that I am asked daily. She turned her head to the side slightly and looked down.

Carter I was wondering if you might….” she began.

Yes?” I said with enough flirtation to make her melt. My stomach churned in displeasure at what these girls had done to me. I have become a sinful player of a game.

Would you go to Kevin’s party with me?” she asked in a rush of words. Her face looked so anxious and nervous.

I turned my lips down slightly to make it look like I was full of sorrow. I really hope she will not cry.

I wish I could but I already have plans.”

She turned her head so I could only see a sliver of her face that was covered by her hair. “Oh, I’m sorry I bothered you and wasted your time.” her voice broke.

Please don’t, I’m so sorry.” I whispered. Her arms dropped to her side as she began to full on cry. “I’m so sorry….” I repeated.

In a quick movement, she looked up at me with the most hateful eyes. I reached out my hand to try to comfort her but she only looked at it. She traced my hand with her eyes before she looked down.

Goodbye…” she chocked out. She was off running before I could say anything. It was as if life suddenly slowed down. It slowed down and made me watch and hear as she ran away crying.

My own eyes started to water as I fell to the ground. I sat there on my knees and let the salt water run down my face. When I say her cry, I could not help but feel her emotions too.

I must have looked pathetic as I just sat there. I knew I had to get control of myself before I could go home. If my dad saw me like this, there would be hell to pay. “Be a man Carter, stop crying you disgust me.” I quoted in a whisper. Why do I have to live like this? What kind of god would hate his own creation enough to put me through this?

I am worthless…. I have no worth” I barley chocked out as I got to my feet.

My teeth started to clench and my tears warmed as my sadness dissolved into anger. I felt inside my pockets for the first thing I could find and threw it at the ground. I screamed out releasing my rage.

My mind started to think logically again. My eyes were closed probably too scared to see what I threw. I sighed as I realized I had better find out now. I opened them slowly and groaned as I saw what was on the ground.

My phone was lying on the ground with the black and white checkered cover broke into three pieces. I bent my knees and reached down to pick my phone up. I looked it over twice. There were a few scratches on the back but nothing major.

I turned my phone on and shut my eyes tight not wanting to see the result of my stupid actions. There was suddenly a jingle coming from my phone. I opened one eye to find my phone on thank god. I bent down again and picked up the remains of my phone cover. Oh well it was about time I got a new one.

I gathered myself and covered any signs of my break down. If someone found out, I would be on deaths list. I stuffed the cover in my bag and put my phone back in my pocket.

I breathed deeply as I prepared myself for what was coming my way.

I woke up to my body belly down on the cold, damp ground. The smell of the ground is almost sickly smelling to my fresh awakening. The dirty, musty smell was burning and twisting my stomach in an odd way.

I put my palms against the ground. As twigs and leaves crackled and snapped under the pressure my arms, my arms began to shake. The shaking became violent. A few seconds later my arms collapse under my own weight.

As my nose hit the ground and filled with the earthy smell, I started to dry heave as my body tried to push anything possible out of my stomach. My body just felt so weak.

I curled my legs into my chest and put my head slowly atop my arms. I felt helpless, as I laid there vulnerable to my surroundings.

Suddenly the world started to spin and my eyes seemed to be fogged over with a black mist. As I was dragged deeper into darkness, it felt familiar but oh so different at the same time.

It was like this time I was at fault instead of those around me. The sea was back and this time it seemed to be a black hole. It sucked me in, but I fought back. I did not want to give in but it was just so tempting. It made it even more tempting because I was alone.

As the mist turned into a cloud, I knew I had to give up. I rather give into this darkness than go through more of this pain.

My head started to pound and throb in response to my effort. My eyes went completely black as I was finally sucked inside the black hole.

Like they say, a black hole destroys all light and sound or I hope because I cannot hear anything or see anything anymore. I can barely hear my own thoughts as I slowly disappear into nothing it self.

Is he dead?” a girl spoke, her voice light and mature, as my hearing came back. “No, he just passed out it’s a normal thing for our kind.” a man spoke in a deep Tom Cruise-ish Hollywood voice.

I wanted to open my eyes so bad to see the people who spoke of such strange things.

That kind of sucks, well when he wakes ill be there to comfort him.” the girl’s voice spoke again with a little too much enthusiasm.

The sense of touch started to come back. I could feel as someone lifted me off the ground. I could hear them talking some more but I was too busy screaming in my head to make my body work.

Suddenly, it felt like a bolt of energy jolted up my spine. My eyes fluttered open and I was able to lift my head up. I could not tell if it was a dream or illusion. The world around me was going by in a flash of brown and green. My eyes enlarged with fear, I yelled out for whoever was carrying me to stop. In addition, my wish was granted. An autumn forest scene was now surrounding me.

My mind started to wander off to other questions I suddenly had. However, I have to know first who these people are and how I got here in the forest. For some reason I could not talk, my voice seemed to be lost in my throat.

The girls face unexpectedly brightened up as I stared at her. I was star struck as I looked at her. She looked like she was right out of a teen’s weekly magazine. Her skin was tanned and her hair looked like it belonged to a blonde angel. Her clothes looked like they were designed just for her. They fit her so well and made her look like supermodel at every angle. The only problem was that she looked about my age. That kind of beauty is unnatural for people our age.

What are you looking at?” she said through a few giggles. I was too busy gazing at her that I jumped when the man tapped my shoulder.

It’s ok I mean no harm.” he said warmly. He could not be older than thirty-seven. He too was model like. He looked like he was out of the Sears catalog. Unlike the girl, his skin was pale like a ghost or someone who has never seen the sun. The olive tone of his skin made his almond colored eyes pop along with his light brown hair.

It just seems so weird that two extraordinary looking people would be the ones to find me in this forest. It did not look like they were hiking or camping because their clothes were casual fall outerwear.

The girl had light blue jeans, turquoise boots that matched her turquoise hoody.

The man well, literally looked like he just walked out of a men’s fall clothesline in a sears catalog. His sweater was different shades of brown in a horizontal stripe pattern and his pants were a simple pair of dark blue jeans. Around his neck was a dark brown scarf that matched his shoes.

As my mind continued to examine these two strange people in the back of my head reality started to sink in. I had to ask them the two questions that are haunting me.

Who are you people? How did you know I was here? Where are you taking me?” questions just started to leak out of my mouth.

I’ll answer you in time but we have to get home first,” the man answered. “What? No….no I’m not going anywhere with you till you at least tell me who you are!” I argued back. I had no clue who these people were and they want to take me home, where ever that may be.

My head started to throb again. It was not as bad as before though, but still very uncomfortable. I looked around for the nearest stable tree. A minute later, I found the closest one, two or three feet behind me.

I still was not exactly feeling fantastic at the moment. My body was still a little frail to actually walk. All I wanted to do was crawl to the tree so I could rest upon it. However, at the same time I did not want to alert the strange man and girl.

I inhaled as much air as possible trying to find some kind of lost strength inside it. I held my breath as I slowly made my way toward the tree.

My steps were slow but the distance I took each time was like taking two stair steps at a time. When I finally made it to the tree, it seemed like it took an eternity.

It probably seemed that way because the whole time I was trying to divert the stares from the back of my head. The stares felt more worried rather than mad.

I grasped the rough bark of the tree to stop the wobbling in my legs. As my fingers grounded harder into the bark, it punctured my soft skin. My air started to come out in fast jagged breaths. I could not find any more strength in my hands or legs. As my legs finally gave in, I heard a gasp behind me.

An unnatural breeze suddenly brushed my hair. I turned toward the air drift to see the angelic girl knelt beside me on her knees. “Are you ok? Are you hurt? Poor thing!” she questioned, her eyes worried. I could feel my eyebrows pull together into a confused look as I questioned my common sense.

I started to rack my brain for answers but it became too difficult with my head still pounding. Suddenly, in a flash of movement thought to be impossible, my hands were palm side up in the strange girl’s hands.

She leaned in toward my hands to examine them. I am not sure why but I tried my best to hold still as she slowly twisted and turned my hand. Her actions were slow and gentle. She turned her head toward where she was standing before. I too, turned my head to see what or who she was looking at.

There was nothing there but the various leaves and twigs. When I turned my head back to her I was shocked, literally I went into shock. None of this is logically explainable. He could not have moved that fast. I am sure; no, I am definite that he was nowhere close enough to get that close to me in a matter of seconds.

On the other hand, I could be just going insane. “Are you ok? You seem a little out of It.” he spoke slowly, thank goodness.

Right now, I am even having trouble decoding my very own thoughts. I thought through his question repeatedly in my head trying to think of a true, but none alarming answer. I didn’t want to say something like oh I don’t know Oh I’m perfectly fine this happens all the time, but at the same time I didn’t want to say No I feel like I’m about to drop dead. I put extra thought into what I said.

I’ll live; I’m just a little woozy.” I nodded to myself. He looked at me a little spectacle, as if I was trying to lead him off. “I promise. I won’t die on you.” I said glad my natural charm is kicking in.

His facial expression changed to a more believing look. I did not notice until then that the girl was rubbing my arm like a worried friend. She smiled at me shyly, which made it all the more awkward.

Julia,” the girl looked up at him “did Margaret tell the others about the new addition?” he spoke in a monotone voice. She, well I guess Julia, nodded once in response.

Great, more of the strange talk. They almost made it sound like they were hiding something from me. Even though I just met these people, it offended me.

I groaned unwillingly as I grew more frustrated. My head seemed to grow hot as I grew angrier.

I felt like Hades, a blue flame sprouting from my hair. “Dear, oops I mean Carter, you look a little frazzled are you ok?” Julia stuttered out.

Oh, no, no this cannot be happening again. I cannot believe I cannot go one little day without girls doing this. They think automatically that I am expected to go with them. What the hell! I know it seems that I am overreacting but this happens excessively. I am tired of having to be mister nice heartbreaker.

It does not bother me being nice because well it just comes naturally to me. Oh but when it comes to breaking up with people I cannot help but want to scream and yell at them. However, I will not because I cannot. I am not cold hearted; I will not make a girl cry or anyone in fact. It is not that I am weak or afraid it is just because it would not feel right.

I breathed in and out deeply to calm myself. I felt my face relax along with my shoulders. I grabbed I low branch and pulled my self up. I brushed the back of my pants off of any debris.

I turned my head slightly and looked at Julia through the corner of my eye. Her face was a mixture of frustrated, worried and sad. I could not tell which emotion dominated her face; it was a three-way tie.

Carter as I said before, if you would come with us I’ll answer all of your questions.” the man said softly.

I thought about this question this time instead of jumping out with an answer. He seemed trust worthy. His eyes seemed excessively soft to hold any trace of evil.

I turned my head to look more directly at Julia. She smiled encouragingly. I was not too sure about her, she seemed like she would tell me what I want to hear not the truth.

I sighed and looked back at the man. “Ok, but at least tell me your name so I know whom I am with.” I said firmly so that it made no room to negotiate. I small smile spread across his face that reached his eyes, a genuine smile.

How rude of me of not formally introducing myself, I’m Alexander.”

As I followed behind Alexander Julia seemed to trail behind.

Every time I turned around, she diverted here eyes from me. I was not sure if she was trying to make me look like a jerk or if she was just that sad, that it hurt to look into my eyes. To me this was worse than her crying.

Thinking about this only made me more frustrated than I already was. I decided that it would better if I simply just kept looking forward instead of torturing her.

I kept my mind empty and my pace steady as the forest began to lighten. We seemed to be on a path now near a road maybe.

I continued to push back all of my worries trying to keep my face calm, as near to emotionless as possible. Nevertheless, I could not help but try to guess why I am following these people. For all I know they could be planning to sacrificing me.

The only answer my mind seemed to come up with is Alexander’s face as he asked once again for me to come with him. “Alexander…” I almost whispered. I had let a question slip from the vault I had held it in.

Yes, Carter?” he asked warmly. I quickly changed my question.

You’re not going to sacrifice me, right?” I questioned with a hint of playfulness. He chuckled lightly and answered, “Of course not, the others and me strictly have only good intentions for you. So there is no need for worry Carter.” I know this sounds weird but I liked how he said my name.

He gave it elegance that I thought it had no potential to carry. Carter is too much of an American tool kind of name rather than a ballroom waltzing kind of name. It pleased me and comforted me.

Julia please quicken your pace. It is important to get home soon. I have things to do.” Alexander said with authority.

Sure” she whispered.

My stomach started to twist again but not in an ill kind of way. I clinched my hands tight into fists. I had to hold myself together at least until I was alone.

Julia show Carter the rest of the way, I must go.” Alexander rushed out. “I’m so sorry Carter I know I promised I would explain I will when I get back so please forgive my disappearance. “

I only nodded because I did understand and I know that he will keep his promise. I turned and looked back at Julia.

She smiled slightly and I smiled back. I turned back around to say something to Alexander but he was gone.

Oh!” I gasped as something touched my hand.

Sorry I did not mean to frighten you. I indented to gesture that I’m sorry.” she said in a small voice.

It’s ok I’m just still a little frazzled. By the way why are you sorry I should be the one hoping for your forgiveness?” I answered.

I was silly and immature getting so hurt that you don’t like me. I mean how stupid could I be I just met you.” She rambled out. I took her face with my fingertips and made her face me.

I was rude Julia please forgive me.” I asked.

Her eyes sparkled and her face lightened. “Oh, of course Carter!” she exclaimed. Goodness, I have done it again. I have become my sinful alter ego once again.

I rushed to change the conversation and my thoughts. “What day is it?” I asked softly.

It’s the eighth of November.“ She replied.

My eyebrows furrowed as I became confused. The last time I checked it was December, December 8. I must have been unconscious for a month.

Julia looked at me worryingly but I just nodded at her reassuringly as I tried to make sense of all this.

We were in silence for what seemed like forever. The silence was broken when I heard a low mumble. “Did you say something, Julia?” I asked trying to keep myself sane.

Oh dear lord…” she whispered so low I could barely hear it.

I started to open my mouth to ask her what was wrong but I could not. There was no air in my lungs, no control of my body.

I was suddenly moving at top speed through the remainder of the forest. My eyes would not shut but I could not turn my head. Suddenly my body was not moving anymore but my head still was.

I am not sure how but I was now on the ground. This must be what it feels like to hung over. My head hurts and I cannot sit up without falling back down. I closed my eyes letting the dizziness pass over.

Carter I’m so sorry I should have been more aware.” she gushed out.

Aware of what, Julia? Please I do not understand just please answer me.“ I begged. It irritates me not to know something but I keep my suffering private.

I always at school have an urge to ask what and why but I do not because it would not be polite. I know I should not be concerned as I am at this age about being polite but that is how I was raised by Jasmine. Suddenly Julia’s hands were on either side of my face.

Carter are you ok? You seem to be responding … strangely.” she asked looking as confused as I feel.

How is acting sane a wrong response?” I threw back as I gritted my teeth. She removed her hands from my face to my shoulders.

This girl is really driving me crazy and not in a good way. One second she is head over heels for me the next moment she is upset with me. The pattern goes repeatedly constantly. It is rude to think but I am starting to believe that this girl is bipolar.

Julia crushed me against her in a flash of movement. It did not like it at all. It was uncomfortable and painful. Each time I tried to move away from her grasp, she only tightened her hold on me.

This was the painful part of it as my throat burned for oxygen and my stomach contracted.

The uncomfortable half is being formed against a girl. Being in a position like this with anyone would be uncomfortable, but with a girl, it is just awkward.

My breath was ragged as I searched for air that could fill my lungs. The noise I was making was quite pitiful but I was thankful it gave Julia the signal to let go. “Oops, I keep forgetting your still well… human-ish.” she said releasing me with a shy smile.

I tilted my head to the side confused. What does she mean by human-ish? Oh my god what is wrong with me? Is this the explanation to… to everything strange that has been happening? I am not human. So many questions left unanswered.

Carter what’s wrong? Are you feeling ill?” Julia asked. Why would she ask this? I looked down and the dirt and grass seemed to be too close to me.

My instinct when I am having a ‘moment’ is to curl up on the floor and that is what I am doing. It seems to have become an involuntary action.

Julia started at me with eyes that cut me deep as she knelt beside me. I do not know what to tell her. I have never been seen like this, so weak and fragile.

She is here to help me I kept telling myself. I should trust her, but it is hard to. Maybe I should take baby steps. I should give her a piece of me at a time to trust her with. Ill start with the truth.

No, I’ll be fine this happens a lot.” I reassured her. I repeated the sentence in my head repeatedly, something felt wrong about it.

It was a lie that is the problem. I will not be fine not even close. I will get through but it will happen repeatedly.

Are you sure? Do you want me to carry you the rest of the way?” she asked. I laughed slightly. How could she carry me…? My head flashed back to when I was paralyzed except for my mind. She was carrying me and running. It seems so impossible but it happened. I am sure of; if it were a dream, I would have woken up after such a surprise.

No, I can make it.” I replied. She nodded and offered me her hand. I took it and she lifted me up without any effort on my part.

As we walked, she did not let go of my hand. I did not try to stop her, I did not mind.

I did not notice it getting dark as we neared a cement road, a real road that lead toward civilization. Its felt as if I have been marooned on a small island covered with nothing but nature.

Carter, see those houses ahead?” Julia asked.

Yeah, you mean the four lined up right there?” I said pointing to them.

Yes, that’s where we are going.” she said with a certain pleasure in her voice.

I walked toward my new life, my destiny. Without anyone telling me I know that the human life of Carter Joshua Fillmore is over, gone without a trace.

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