Half Dead~ part 1

July 28, 2011

( Warning, this is a little on the darker side. . . . )

I always feel so cold, the inside of me. I don’t mean metaphorically, I mean really, like my organs always feel really cold. Okay, well maybe that’s because I refuse to drink blood. . . I know if I don’t, I’ll probably die, but I’m just afraid that all of my old, human feelings will go away. . . .

I never wanted this. I never wanted to be some monster from the gates of hell, I just wanted to be a normal girl who has cravings for chocolate, instead of blood. I’ve met some other “people” like me, and they’ve reassured me nothing would change but I can’t believe them. What if I’m different? Maybe I’m some weird prophet that when I drink blood, I’ll become this human demising fiend!

God, this is all just too complicated. . . Sometimes, I just wish I could end it all and just kill myself. Which is much easier said than done. From the very beginning, all I’ve been trying to do is end myself and this thing I’ve become. I just don’t see the point of living anymore if I have to kill others just to survive.

And yes, I know it’s a “ dog eat dog world”, but still. I don’t want to have to stoop to the literal sense of the phrase.

I’ve tried jumping from skyscrapers, cliffs, and bridges, and nothing happens, I don’t even break a bone. I’ve also tried drowning, decapitation, lighting myself on fire, and even putting a stake through my heart! But nothing works.

As of now, I have no clue what I am, other than the fact that I have a constant desire for blood. And even though I’ve never drank any blood, I can just feel it. My body craves for the thing that once filled it. I disgust myself. . .

 

Walking down the sidewalk, I can smell all of the warm humans around me and I can almost feel as their hearts pump the liquid back and forth through out their body. I don’t know how, but I’m able to control myself and continue walking on.

I’m looking for this shop Iven, a fairy, told me about. When I had first awakened, he there standing protectively over me (fairies are a lot bigger than you’d think), waiting for me to wake up so he could take me to a safe haven where I could live out my new life. Unsurprisingly, we became friends, you could even say best friends. So the other day, I had confided in him about how I was unsure what I was, after all of my um suicide attempt. He wasn’t very happy about that part. Iven though, told me about this shop that was owned by a few warlocks. He had said that they’d be able to figure out what I was.

So here I am now, walking down the human filled streets, looking for a little shop called

“Augusto’s Magic Emporium” . Cheesy, right? I could care less about the name though, I just want to know what in the world I am. To be honest, it’s one the worst feelings you could ever feel, not knowing who you are. And I know, teenagers are always complaining and using it as an excuse that they don’t know who they are, but that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s just horrible, not knowing what species you are.

But that’s why I’m taking this risk of walking out into the human world. So that then, I’ll know how to protect every human from me.

“Hello, anyone home?” I yelled as I walked into an empty room, through a chiming door. “Is this a bad time. . . or am I just talking to myself?” I really hope I’m not talking to myself, I don’t want to add crazy to my growing list of flaws.

Great, no answer. I began to head back to the door, but a silent hand grabbed my shoulder before I could. And even though I’m a blood thirsty monster, I still screamed.

“Oh my Hazelwood, I am so sorry!” Chuckled a tall teenage boy. Really? He’s laughing at me? I really hope he knows he’s lucky I have self-control, because if I didn’t I would totally put my claw, fingernail things to work.. . . . I am really bad at this whole vicious monster thing.

“Don’t you know it’s not polite to laugh at brooding people? And did you just say hazelwood?” I asked, not even bothering to make a good first impression. Not only is he rude, but he’s strange.

“Heh, sorry it’s a sorcerer thing.” He said, as he brushed his fingers nervously through his hair.

`Wait, did he just say he’s a sorcerer? I thought things like us were supposed to keep what we are a secret, for all he knows, I could be a human.

Holding out his hand he said, “How rude of me, my name is Devon, and I believe I can help you.”

“Hold on for a second, not only did you just say you were a sorcerer but now you know what’s wrong with me? Either your incredibly stupid or crazy. Take your pick.”

And there he goes, laughing at me once again. At least he has a nice smile, or I’d feel really inclined right now to punch him.

Still laughing, he replied, “Don’t worry, I can smell you and your definitely not human. Humans smell like iron and dust, and you smell sweet, like flowers. However, I don’t think I’ve ever smelled anything quite like you.”

Yup, he’s definitely crazy. “So um do you know what I am? Because you must already know that’s why I’m here, to find out what I am.” Hopefully, he’s the smart kind of crazy.

Rubbing his stubbly chin, he murmured, “How peculiar. . .”

“Um hello, are you going to answer me?” You know, this guy is really starting to tick me off.

“Oh yes sorry, but I must say, it find it very strange that you’re not bursting into flames.” He said, as if nothing was odd with that statement at all.

“Burst into flames? Really, how much weirder can I get? You know, I’m really starting to regret coming here, because I could have really lived without knowing that. All I want is a simple answer but can I get one? No!” And then that’s when it happened. . . my hand caught on fire, or well it created fire. . . It’s hard to say what happened.

“Amazing. . .” It’s annoying how he finds everything quite so fascinating. “Your so much different from your brethren, you actually seem to posses control. . . “

“Oh my gosh,” I yelled with increasing fury, “ If you don’t tell me what I am in the next five seconds, I swear to. . . whatever I’m supposed to swear to now, that I’ll light you on fire with my very own hand!”

Taking a slow, and gentle step forward, he placed his hands and my shoulders, whispering softly, “First, I need you to calm down, okay? I apologize for not being straightforward, but I promise you, that I’ll tell you the minute you calm down. Now can you do that for me? Just clear your mind of every bad though, and think of nothing but breathing in and out, okay?”

I didn’t exactly appreciate being talked to like a five-year old, but I did what he said. Slowly, but surely, my hand became. . . .not on fire. . . that’s going to take a while to get used to.

Smiling at me, he said,” You’re a demon of the sixth realm. I’ve never met a demon as high up as you, but I’ve met quite a few demons, mostly of the second realm. You are very rare, indeed.”

“I was not expecting that. . . . . “ That’s all I could manage to say, because I didn’t really know what to say.

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